I Am Not Enough
I am not enough.
Have you ever had those moments where you find yourself completely unprepared for the task at hand?
I remember traveling across the country to stand before my new youth group as their leader and thinking, "I'm not prepared for this!" I looked across those curious faces as they stared back at me wondering what to make of me. I wasn't prepared. I didn't measure up to their expectations, much less mine. There was so much for me to learn. I simply was not enough.
Fast forward a few years later when it dawned on me that my boyfriend was going to ask me to marry him. I felt a strong panic that I was not prepared for this new endeavor. I was not prepared to lose my identity by taking on his name. I was not prepared to be anyone's wife. I wasn't prepared to take on all the responsibility or the weight of building a family with someone. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't enough for the season that was to come!
A few months after we got married, I stared at the stick that informed me that I was pregnant. A mom. I couldn't believe it. I was excited but so nervous. Not only was I responsible for building this life with my husband, but now we would be parents! I wasn't enough to be anyone's mom. I would surely mess up, scarring the kid and landing him in therapy one day. I was sure of it.
A couple years down the road, I took in my son's small features as I remarked that he looked like a little man rather than a baby. He stood before me at two years old with his impossible and defiant little attitude. He was cute and I was angry. I was not prepared to deal with guiding a defiant little person. I was not prepared to try and convince him to obey me. I felt that I was in over my head. I was not enough for this situation. Maybe if I were a better mom, he would obey better?
I was not enough.
Isn't that kind of the point?
How can I feed Jesus' sheep if I'm not listening to, following, or relying on the Shepherd? How can I lead my own little disciples if I'm not sitting at Jesus' feet? How can I be the wife my husband needs me to be if I'm not first submitting to Jesus' leadership?
Whenever we think we don't measure up, let it remind us that we aren't supposed to. We're supposed to be relying on Jesus.
We rely on His strength. (Philippians 4:13)
Where we fall short, His strength covers our weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9-11)
Where we lack wisdom, He willingly gives us more (James 1:5)
Let us choose to listen to the truth that we weren't meant to be "enough." Jesus is enough. Jesus is all we need when we find that we don't measure up. Let His strength come in where you're weak. Let His wisdom come in when you find yourself at the end of your rope, unsure of what to do next. Let His presence come in and give you the confidence and strength to complete the mission and ministry set before you.
Lies Moms Believe
Real quick. If this post resonated with you at all, highly recommend that you check out the book Lies Moms Believe: And How the Gospel Refutes Them by Rebekah Hargraves. In her book, she shares thirty-two lies that we might believe and then shares the truth in the midst of the Gospel. It is an excellent and very encouraging read!
In my own self, I found that reading over the different lies and then reading the truth brought about a sense of freedom. The way Jesus calls us to live is freeing, whereas the way that the world expects us to live feels more like heavy shackles around our feet.
Grab Rebekah's book for yourself and find freedom in your own motherhood as you live out your calling His way.